When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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