whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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