The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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