im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
