successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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