Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
