omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
