YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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