I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
