Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
