UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
