apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
