There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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