this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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