FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
