i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
