people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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