She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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