THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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