Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
