A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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