So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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