I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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