Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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