She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
