I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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