So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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