Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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