Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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