Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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