Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
