i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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