Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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