worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
