I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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