You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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