you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize