3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
