Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
