Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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