you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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