it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
