Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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