Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
