i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
