are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
