No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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