I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
