Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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