We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
