everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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