can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
