in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
