omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dick very happy bro
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
