and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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