im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
