Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
