Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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