now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
