Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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