he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
