There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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