Swine flu. Run for my life!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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