if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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