Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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