Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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